Blogphen

Blah, I feel as though I’m in danger of falling back into the trap I found myself in almost 9 months. There’s a number of insecurities I currently need to address: I’m not sleeping well, I’m having nightmares. Everyone keeps pointing out how much of a loser I can appear. I’m becoming afraid of the dark, I don’t like being in the house on my own. I’m less mobile now I’ve dropped a glass on my foot, it absolutely kills to walk. I keep randomly having fits of wanting to cry at various things.

It’s encouraging to know I can be liked, but at the same time it’s discouraging to realise the truth that I’m only used as a ‘last resort’. To you (you know who you are) - I am not interested. It was unexpected but I’m afraid I’d need a lot more to go on than what you presented to me. With regards to being “scared” (why did you feel the need to drag others into this?), I’m neither going to confirm or deny that. However, despite the breach of my confidence on the part of another party-goer, you already know the answer to that.

To you who asked whether or not things were actually happening with regards to the previous weekend: no, I could only dream.

My nightmares are playing on a lot of insecurities at the moment. Of the two I can remember most clearly, there was one I woke up with a bushy moustache/beard and I had a combover. The other, I found myself moving into a house with Russell T Davies. I don’t know what made it a nightmare but I didn’t like it.

There’s evidently a lot I don’t know in life, the universe and everything. And recently that lack of knowledge has made me look and feel absolutely stupid, worthless and useless.

I passed one of my resits. The other I didn’t fail *too* badly, such that it’s a tolerated fail and I’m through to the next year, but it was still a failure. Especially as how much effort I put into passing it and how little effort I put into it all the first time round. Not a big enough improvement to justify everything, really.

Meh.